jewish women international

“Nooria is 20 years old and from western Afghanistan. She was 16 years of age when she was informed that she would be married. The implicit belief in her neighborhood and by her family was that an unmarried girl at age 16 must have a fault or an imperfection. Her family received a marriage proposal from a member of her extended family and accepted. Nooria had not been asked whether she consented.

On the wedding night, her husband Zia slapped her because he felt the neckline on her dress was revealing. From that moment on, he began hitting her, criticizing her; he forbade her leaving the house without his permission, and forced her to do all the household chores. After eight months of marriage, she got pregnant. Returning from a visit to her doctor, Nooria was met by Zia who beat her for daring to leave the house. Nooria suffered a miscarriage as a result of the beating.

Her father advised her not to even think of leaving her marital home and told her that divorce would bring shame upon the family.

Nooria became pregnant again but her husband carried on beating her regardless. She was able to carry the child to full term giving birth to a girl at home. Her husband was angry at the birth of a girl child and beat Nooria. Over the months, the intensity of the beatings worsened.

When her child was three months old, during one of her husband’s rages, he picked up their child and threw her across the room. On that same day, when her husband was out of the house, Nooria picked up her baby girl and left for her parent’s house. Her parents told her she should return to her husband’s house and were not prepared to accept her back home. After a while, her parents agreed to let her and her child stay.

Nooria spent a year in her parent’s home. Her husband came to see her and asked her to return. She felt that no one in her family supported her decision to leave her husband.

Although she wanted to obtain a divorce, she knew that it was unlikely. She feared that if she sought a divorce, the shame and stigma of being a divorced woman would destroy the marriage chances of her two younger siblings.

In May 2005, Amnesty International was informed that Nooria had returned to her husband. Her decision was based on traditional attitudes and prejudice from her family and community in which a woman must not leave her marital home, regardless of the suffering she may be enduring.”

I heard some very exciting news today. The International Violence Against Women Act will move to Senate mark-up this Wednesday, August 4th! This is a huge milestone towards final passage of this bill.

Senator Jim Webb became a cosponsor yesterday and it is because of an outpouring of calls, letters, and facebook messages. It is clear the efforts of all IVAWA supporters have been really been paying off.

With 116 cosponsors in the House and 29 in the Senate, the momentum for this movement has been steadily building.

However, we cannot celebrate just yet.

Our success so far should serve as both a catalyst for pushing harder and proof of what we can accomplish when we do. We cannot rest until IVAWA is signed into law by President Obama. The next few weeks will be critical for the ultimate success of this piece of legislation.

So, I would like to use this opportunity for a call to action. Send a powerful message to your Senator before this Wednesday. Let them know that you want the United States to make ending violence against women and girls a diplomatic priority. Inform them that you find it unacceptable that one in three women worldwide will be beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused over the course of lifetime. Convey how inadequate the U.S. has been at responding to this violation of human rights. Then ask them why they haven’t publicly endorsed a bill that would help to end violence against women and girls.

It is imperative that our voices are heard before the Senate mark-up. If your Senator is already supportive, thank them and urge them to convince their colleagues to do the same. Violence against women affects all aspects of women’s lives, from their access to education and economic opportunities to their personal well-being and safety. IVAWA offers a real chance at eradicating this worldwide epidemic.

Call before Wednesday!

Sample Phone Script:

Find out the number of your member of Congress at http://www.congress.org/congressorg/dbq/officials/]

1.)   Telephone calls are usually taken by a staff member. Ask to speak with the aide who handles women’s issues or foreign affairs issues.

2.)   After identifying yourself as a constituent, tell the staffer that you would like to leave a brief message.

“Please tell Senator ____________ that I support the International Violence Against Women Act.”

3.)   Ask for the position of your member of Congress on the bill.  If they are a co-sponsor thank them for their support and urge them to support the bill when it comes to the floor.

4.)   If not leave a message saying:

“Please urge the member of Congress to cosponsor the bill and support it when it comes to the floor.”

5.)   And add:

“I support the bill because:

• Violence against women and girls is a human rights violation occurring globally.
• At least one in every three women globally has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime.
• The International Violence Against Women Act supports measures to prevent violence, protect survivors and bring perpetrators to justice.

In Afghanistan, despite a pledge from the government to protect women’s rights and promote gender equality, more than 87% of Afghan women suffer from domestic abuse. According to the United Nations, between 60 to 80 percent of marriages are forced.

In 2009, the Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission registered about 2,269 cases of violence against women. In January of 2010 alone there were 235 cases.

The pandemic levels of violence against Afghan women are perhaps most startling because the abuse is committed under a shroud of normalcy. Women are beaten in public and girls are raped as they walk to school and the public response is silence.

Access to education has a direct affect on women in Afghanistan and their lack of knowledge about basic rights has subjected them to broad discrimination. About 456 schools have so far been torched down, and 60% of girls eligible for school have been deprived of education. Most Afghan women interviewed in the context of a 2009 UN report underlined that they felt powerless when it came to expressing their choice in matters regarding their sexuality. This report concluded that most women were not aware of the law and redress mechanisms, including ways to complain about rape.

Unfortunately, educating women about the laws written to protect them is not a sufficient solution to the problem. Despite the legal obligation, the government rarely responds to cases of violence against women. At least two social and political female activists were killed last year and the Afghan government has failed to successfully prosecute these cases.

The obstacles faced by women seeking justice or protection are many-fold. Discrimination against women in Afghanistan is rampant. UNAMA interlocutors in 2009 reported believing that police and judicial officials are not aware or convinced that rape is a serious criminal offense. Whether it is due to a dearth of resources-few trained female staff and forensic expertise to investigate rape cases-or a prejudice against women, investigating a rape case is rarely a priority.

The shocking reality, according to many women, is that reporting a case to the police may actually further endanger them since it raises their profile.

One example is the story of Najeeba.  Fearing for herself and her family, Najeeba contacted the police after receiving threatening phone calls. The caller, Rafiq, was identified by investigators, but they decided that they could not do anything to him. Rafiq was eventually arrested for other offenses and informed by the police that Najeeba had reported the threats she had received from him. As a result, Najeeba is receiving phone calls from other men, threatening to kill her as soon as Rafiq is released from prison.

To avoid being in a similar situation, many women adopt their own preventative safety measures; such measures include maintaining their anonymity when leaving the home, restricting their movements, or even ceasing outside activities altogether. The response of authorities, or lack thereof, to reports of abuse or threats seems to reinforce the notion that the perpetrators of violence are immune from punishment.

In addition to widespread discrimination and a limited concern from authorities regarding complaints of rape or abuse, women in this country also suffer from a lack of legal representation. A March 8, 2010 article by Amnesty International quoted Mashia Faiz, a defense attorney for a women’s rights NGO, who proclaimed that NGOS are the only people who defend most female victims, as the government-funded defense attorneys mainly service men. In her opinion, the current system does not help women, but hurts them. This is because judges and police officials don’t care about what happens to women and they don’t follow the laws. Faiz described feeling constantly threatened because of what she does, especially when working in provinces outside of Kabul. Filing a formal complaint with the government or police is futile.

Noor Marjan, the Acting Director of the Afghan Women’s Skills Development Centre, explained in the same article that their shelter is important because police stations don’t have designated places for women. In the current holding places, women are abused and raped by police. Police not only widely dismiss allegations of abuse but often advise victims to return to their abusive spouses and family. Since the current criminal justice system does not see violence against women as relevant grounds for seeking or granting a divorce, many women have no choice but to do just that.

Violence against women in Afghanistan is a complicated issue that needs to be addressed from multiple perspectives. The good news is that there is a bill in both the House and Senate that endorses a holistic approach to combating violence. The International Violence Against Women Act (IVAWA) would increase legal and judicial protection in a multitude of ways: by supporting U.S. foreign assistance programs that will back local efforts to both establish and enforce laws that prevent and address violence against women and girls; by promoting coordinated, efficient survivor services; by encouraging programs to provide personnel training across the legal and judicial sector, for police, lawyers, corrections officers, court advocates, judges, and judicial officials; by buttressing programs to help women and girls of victim gain access to the legal system, ensure safety and support throughout the legal process, and develop confidential mechanisms for reporting violence; and finally, by improving much-needed coordination between the health, legal, and other sectors. If the United States is as dedicated as it claims to be in ending violence against women and girls then this bill is the best tool for making our commitment to this issue a diplomatic priority. The women of Afghanistan deserve no less.

Most Americans would agree that violence toward women is detrimental to society on a global scale. Beyond being morally reprehensible, a society that condones violence against women suffers – because the costs of violence to women and girls are much higher than the physical and emotional pain the victim suffers. Costs include direct expenses for services to treat and support abused women and children and to bring perpetrators to justice, as well as untold costs that may be inflicted on families and communities across generations, reinforcing other prevalent forms of violence.

The story of Rose, the 22-year old that was abducted and raped repeatedly is unfortunately, not uncommon. Despite being raped seven or eight times, she says it was the place that her kidnappers chose to imprison her, in the ruins of a home, that she found to be the worst part of the whole ordeal. In the June 23, 2010 article in The New York Times she is quoted as explaining, “since I had not slept under any roof since the earthquake, I was so scared I could not breathe.” Rose and her relatives had moved back to their proprieties after being threatened with eviction from the place where they were squatting. They were sleeping outside their damaged but fixable property. Even before her kidnapping they had been afraid of the “young thugs in Mafia sunglasses,” according to her cousin.

Among Haiti’s other well-known woes, violence against women seems an entrenched one. For three years following the military coup that ousted president Jean-Bertrand Aristide in 1991, rape was part of the repressive tactics used by the military and paramilitary forces to crush opposition. The U.N. was forced to send peacekeepers to Haiti in 2004 to address the shockingly high level of violence against women. It was estimated by the medical journal The Lancet that between February 2004 and December 2005 almost 19,000 out of every 100,000 girls were raped in the capital, Port-au-Prince. It was only in 2005 that rape was even recognized as a crime.

Since the January 12th earthquake, the miseries of women have only been exacerbated. A huge percentage of rape cases go unrecorded, making it difficult to get reliable statistics. However, two dozen case workers of Kofaviv, a grass-roots organization in Port-au-Prince, reported counseling 264 victims since the earthquake, triple the number of last year. There are still more than a million people displaced, many living in overcrowded refugee camps. International relief groups have expressed concerns about violence against women in camps that have poor or nonexistent lighting, unlockable latrines, adjacent men’s and women’s showers, and inadequate police protection. Add to that the presence of thousands of prisoners who have escaped and you have “an ideal climate for rape,” according to the director of Kofaviv.

Haiti’s list of what things need to be fixed is distressingly long but keeping women and children safe deserves top priority.  According to an editorial in The New York Times on June 18, 2010, there have been some improvements in security in eight big camps, with joint Haitian-United Nations police patrols. But with 1,2000 encampments throughout Haiti, most are left to their own defenses. More needs to be done.

In April, InterAction – “a coalition of more than 160 humanitarian organizations working on disaster relief, refugee-assistance, and sustainable development programs worldwide” – recommended that the international community and donor governments working in collaboration with the government of Haiti do several things: Take immediate steps to improve security by addressing safety concerns in the camps, proactively monitor the risks women and girls face; improve gender-based violence prevention, response and coordination; and ensure full consultation with women and girls throughout the humanitarian response.

Natural disasters such as the earthquake in Haiti are obviously unpredictable. However, there is currently a piece of legislation that if made into law would codify the mechanisms the United States needs to respond to emergency outbreaks in violence. The International Violence Against Women Act would create emergency response units as well as provide funding for humanitarian assistance to help nations in crisis. The Department of State would make eradicating violence against women a diplomatic priority by giving assistance to programs of international organizations that prevent and respond to violence against women and girls in humanitarian relief, conflict, and post-conflict settings. Furthermore, this bill would build the capacity of humanitarian organizations and government authorities to address the special protection needs of women and children; provide immediate assistance to survivors of violence through education, trauma counseling, medical assistance, and economic opportunity programs; and provide legal services for women and girls who are victims of violence.

It is time that the United States shows the global community that it is dedicated to a creating a world where women and children are free from fear of abuse and sexual assault. This bill is an important step towards that goal.

A new study released by the International Center for Research on Women, titled “Intimate Partner Violence: High Costs to Households and Communities,” investigates the relationship between gender-based violence, household economic vulnerability and costs to public resources in three countries: Morocco, Uganda and Bangladesh.

Gender-based violence has a devastating impact on economic growth, affecting the livelihood of women, their households, and entire communities.  Victimization can force women to take unpaid leave from work, lower their ability to be productive, and force family members to change their work schedule, all of which can lead to a loss in earnings and community standing.

The data from this new study contributes to an expanding body of research demonstrating that violence against women impedes the development of a country both on a local and national scale. While economically and socially disparate, Morocco, Uganda and Bangladesh all have high rates of gender-based violence.  Two-thirds of respondents from Bangladesh and half from Uganda experienced physical violence. Sixty-one percent in Bangladesh and 47% in Uganda experienced sexual violence. These experiences of abuse are not isolated incidents either; in Morocco 46% of women experiencing physical abuse and 52% of women experiencing sexual abuse reported multiple episodes of violence.

And yet, women seek services through the health care system and/or the justice system at a much lower rate than reported prevalence. During the 12 month period in which the study was conducted, only 17% of women in Morocco and 10% in Bangladesh used health services as a result of abuse. Many factors contribute to this disparity including the high out of pocket costs for women, isolation of resources, and cultural attitudes endorsing gender-based violence.

Even under-accessed the cost of gender-based violence is enormous for individual households and communities.  In Uganda, a nationally representative study of hospitals estimated that the costs from treating victims of physical violence were about $1.2 million annually. In Bangladesh, women utilize the Salish, a community-based dispute resolution system, to seek justice from gender-based violence. The study found that 53% of cases arbitrated related to gender-based violence, costing approximately $17.5 million in rural areas and $6.14 million annually.

In developing nations, the indirect costs of gender-based violence – reduced productivity, inability to perform household tasks, and absenteeism from work – are absorbed by local businesses and can be crippling for their prosperity, and in turn the livelihood of the overall economy.  Using the average market wage rates, the study estimated that the value of work lost to a household per incident of violence was about $5 or 4.5% of the average monthly income of the households study.  Factor in that incidence of gender based violence is often not isolated and the financial burden to each household becomes monumental.

The bottom line is that women are silently experience violence and when they do seek services it effectively drains community resources.  Gender-based violence does more than cause injury and a laundry list of chronic health problems; the indirect costs of violence thwart the economic growth of families, communities, and entire countries.  Women are the key to solving the economic problems of developing nations. Beyond the clear violation of human rights, at some point, it becomes a simple matter of national self-interest.

by Stacie Graff

I have always been interested in fighting for women’s issues and the empowerment of women. Prior to interning at Jewish Women International this past semester, I worked on women’s issues through a social lens and never got a chance to understand the political side of the issue. During my internship at JWI , I had the opportunity to learn about women’s issues through a political lens.  I have been exposed  to a little of everything- sitting in on appropriations meetings, researching demographics of congressional districts and  attending a press conference introducing the International Violence Against Women Act.

Last week, I also attended a breakfast briefing entitled “How to Reduce Gender-Based Violence through Improving Reproductive Health Services.” The event addressed the intersection between gender-based violence and access to reproductive health services and was sponsored by the Family Violence Prevention Fund, the International Center for Research on Women and the International Rescue Committee.

I learned that for many women suffering from gender based violence, access to basic reproductive services is their only link to medical care. They are otherwise forbidden from seeking medical attention because of their abusers strict control over all aspects of their lives. Therefore, the reproductive health sector in these countries is a crucial resource to hearing the voices of women who suffer from violence. This may be the only place where women and girls can find safety and comfort. Many women fear the consequences of sharing their story with anyone and do not even share their horrors with medical professionals. Far too many women remain in silence with no guidance and counseling. Cultural and legislative changes on a global scale must be taken to enable women to safely seek services and build lives free of violence.

With the reintroduction of the International Violence Against Women Act, the call to action is gaining momentum.  To truly combat gender based violence, improvements must be made in the health care sector.  I believe there is a need for improved ethical training of medical professionals to notice the warning signs of abuse and connect the victim to available services. However, services such as counseling must be provided in such a way as not to disrupt cultural barriers.

Cultural barriers are yet another reason why many women remain silent.  Violence may be widespread, but remains unaddressed because cultural norms prohibit an open dialogue about abuse.   Communities may accept specific rituals that are considered abusive to many but painfully welcome a woman into society and make her eligible for marriage. One of the challenges is that individuals defending gender equality must appear unbiased – protectors of women’s physical safety and health but not disrespecting of the community culture.

We must work together to build safe environments for women and girls to thrive. Demonstrating the connection between gender-based violence and reproductive health services will help empower communities change the attitudes and social norms that sanction violence.  The United States by supporting legislation like I-VAWA which focuses on long term systemic changes and localized initiatives to change social norms, is transforming the global discussion about gender based violence.  We cannot merely enter a country and expect to improve the situation overnight. If we don’t include women in the entire process- from evaluations of existing services and policy to the implementation of new programs- we will not be able to eliminate violence.  By understanding the culture and the locations where women seek refuge, foreign aid will be more able to help and less likely to be perceived as having the goal of  forcing our cultural values onto a nation that is different than our own.

In early February, amid the presidential budget frenzy and discussions of spending freezes, Senate and House Congressional champions announced the reintroduction of the International Violence Against Women Act (IVAWA). Lead sponsors of the IVAWA are Senator Kerry, Senator Boxer, Senator Snowe, Congressman Delahunt, Congressman Poe and Congresswoman Schakowsky. Together these members reaffirmed their commitment to ending violence against women by raising awareness, empowering women to become economically independent, and working with advocates on the ground to eliminate sexual violence as a war tactic for armed conflict.

The IVAWA is the first comprehensive piece of legislation in the United States aimed at ending violence against women and girls around the world. It is a bill driven both by moral consciousness and the recognition that U.S. national security is tied to the depth of international violence and the value of human life. “In the last 50 years, more women have been killed because of their gender than all men engaged in armed conflict,” Senator Boxer stated, quoting Nicholas Kristof’s new book Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide.

Passage of the IVAWA during the 111th session of Congress will be difficult and Representative Schakowsky challenged the audience of advocates to energize their grassroots networks, educate their Members of Congress, and demonstrate that the U.S., as a leader on human rights, must uphold its responsibilities and swiftly pass this bill.

The IVAWA, H.R. 4594 in the House of Representatives and S.2982 in the Senate, is currently cosponsored by 50 Members of Congress – 25 in each chamber.  To secure the passage of this bill, we need a broad demonstration of bipartisan support - a commitment from members on both sides of the aisle to stand with women against violence.

As advocates and engaged citizens we need to make our voices heard by finding supporters in every state.  Encourage your member of Congress to support the passage of IVAWA with JWI’s action alert!

A few years ago, during an otherwise innocuous conversation, one of my oldest and dearest friends relayed the following story about her 17-year-old daughter:

“Sophie [not her real name] and her boyfriend were at a party last weekend, and he got mad about something she said, and he literally picked her up by her shirt and threw her against the wall.”

While the incident was shocking, it was Sophie’s reaction – or lack thereof – that horrified me. Being body-checked by a boyfriend should have shaken her to the core…but Sophie didn’t seem to consider it a big deal. That’s when I experienced That Parenting Moment: The one that flings us from the world where we grew up into the unrecognizable reality where our kids are learning to live – and to love.

We want to believe that everyone who comes to know our children will love and respect them as much as we do. Unfortunately, about one in three adolescent girls in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner. I know; you’re thinking, “Not my kid,” but we’re talking about one in three girls. We’re talking about every race, religion and community. (Even “nice Jewish kids,” like Sophie and her boyfriend.) We’re talking about a punch in the face, or erosion of self-esteem, or silent digital stalking that robs a girl of her peace of mind. This issue is bigger and more pervasive than any of us can fathom – even those of us who fathom it for a living. Do you honestly believe it will never touch your child?

Young love was tough enough before technology took over; today, it really is a jungle out there. In a recent Liz Claiborne study, 30% of teens in relationships said they are text messaged 10, 20, 30 times an hour by their partners asking where they are, what they’re doing, or who they’re with. Nearly a quarter of teens in a relationship communicated with their partner via cellphone or texting HOURLY between midnight and 5:00 a.m.

Consider the “sexting” epidemic and it looks even worse: One in five teen girls have electronically sent or posted nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves; sexually suggestive text, email or instant messages are more prevalent at 37 percent. And here’s where it gets really scary: Nearly one in five “sext” recipients admit sharing the images and messages with someone else – at least one person, but usually more.

Technology’s greatest trick is creating the illusion of control: Teens can choose (and unchoose) their ‘friends’; decide who accesses which information; and magically conceal what they don’t want their parents to know. But beneath the passwords and preferences, our kids are surrendering their privacy. We are all, by action or permission, forfeiting our power.

What can we do, besides watch privacy and common courtesy circle the drain? Start with communication: In a 2009 survey of parents, three in four said they’d talked with their teen about the meaning of a healthy relationship – but the majority of kids (three-quarters of sons and two-thirds of daughters) said they have not discussed dating abuse with a parent in the past year.

Only 32 percent of teens in abusive relationships confide in their parents about their situations.  And it’s worth mentioning that teen dating abuse most often happens in one of the partners’ homes.

In a 2009 Kaiser Family Foundation survey, Generation M²: Media in the Lives of 8- to 18-Year-Olds, only 14 percent of 7^th through 12^th-graders said their parents had rules about how many text messages they could send. And while about 25% of the report’s tweens and teens had telephone time restrictions, with texting the preferred means of communication, dating abuse really has become more hidden – a reclusive shadow over the lives of our kids. We need to become advocates for mandatory healthy relationship training in our schools, religious institutions and sports teams. It’s at least as important as health or gym class – which are non-academic, and required. And we should educate ourselves. Learn to spot the signs of an unhealthy relationship, like slipping grades; changes in mood, activities or dress; withdrawal from friends; making light of a boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s violent behavior… These are all possible (but not definite) indicators of an unhealthy relationship. You know your kid; if you’re paying attention, you’ll know if something is wrong.

Talk openly about abuse. Remove the taboo. Encourage your teenager to share thoughts and experiences, and respect his or her point of view. If you suspect your teen is being abused, be sure she or he feels safe and supported, not accused or blamed. February – Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month – is a perfect opportunity to broach the subject. And keep the dialogue going – over days, weeks, months, years. An open line of communication is essential. There is plenty of free and qualified advice to get you started. Try thesafespace.org, loveisrespect.org, and jwi.org/parents.

And don’t let the lines of communication end at your front door. Talk with other parents in your children’s social circles; create a network of support that flows from parent to parent, parent to teen, and hopefully between teens themselves.

* * *

Lori Weinstein is executive director of Jewish Women International, which develops abuse prevention programs that empower Jewish tweens, teens and college students to understand and build healthy relationships. Learn more and bring a program to your community.

More magazine’s 2010 Reinvention Convention kicks off in Washington, DC in a few weeks! It’s an annual event for women – over 40, and also under 40 – looking to reinvent their lives in any and every way.

JWI will be there – Monday, March 8th., in downtown D.C. We can’t wait to soak up some wisdom from experts like Jean Chatzky, Dr. Pamela Peeke and Anna Quindlen, and some of More‘s top editors. Hope to see you there!

What Happened:

The first time I remember my boyfriend hitting me was last year. I was driving and we were a block from my parent’s house. He got mad and had a habit of smacking at my mouth. He hit me in the mouth and I lost control of the car. I blew out the tyre and almost hit a cement wall. We were four houses away from my parents. I called them on the cell phone and my dad changed the tyre. I told my parents I lost control of the car. My silence resulted in 7 more months of abuse. One time during a football game he said I frustrated him and grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me towards him and bit my face. When I broke up with him he threw me to the floor and dragged me over the carpet and on to concrete yelling and calling me ‘bitch’ and ‘whore’. We tried counseling but as soon as I mentioned the biting incident he walked out of the session. Since breaking up he has begged repeatedly for me to take him back.

How I coped:

I have been in counseling for three months and I keep a daily journal of recovery. I also have started writing poems again.

How the situation changed:

I got out of the relationship because I knew hitting was wrong but he had brainwashed me into thinking it was my fault. I went to counseling not for abuse but because I thought there was something wrong with me. My counselor explained abuse and is helping me cope.

What helped me to get stronger:

I was in denial for a long time. As a professional, single femaleI didn’t fit a profile I thought of an abuse victim. By speaking with other victims I have discovered I am not alone. He was a classic abuser and had I taken the quiz you offer I would have checked everything as yes. Speaking with other women has given me strenght and confidence.

What I would say to someone who is being abused:

It is not your fault and you can not change or control the situation. Get out before you get hurt permanently or he kills you. I could have lost my life for someone who, only months later, has moved to someone new. No one is worth it and you can do better and find true happiness.

The Domestic Violence Resource Centre (DVRC) is a statewide service in Victoria, Australia, that aims to reduce and prevent family violence by providing education to improve service and policy responses, and by assisting people who have experienced abuse. This story, and many others, are shared through their “When Love Hurts” project.

* * *

Activity 1: What is bullying and why do people pick on others?

Before giving teens the definition, brainstorm as a collective group definition and preconceived notions teens have of a bully. After listening to teens input and ideas, present the teens with the actual definition of a bully. Here is the definition we suggest providing: A bully is someone who repeatedly intimidates, defends, insults, or humiliates, Bullying can be physical, verbal (name-calling, taunting, insulting), or emotional (alliance building, silent treatment, shunning, spreading nasty gossip and online or cyber-bullying). It is deliberate and hurtful behavior, usually repeated over a period of time. Bullying is almost always done to kids who are perceived to be vulnerable.

After discussing this “textbook” definition of bullying, make teens aware of other types of bullying that exist and they may be experiencing such as “relational aggression.” These are situations in which social relationships are used as the means to harm a peer. Additionally, because of many reality shows, such as Gossip Girl, this behavior may be seen as ‘normal’ or desirable. Some examples of this type of behavior can include unspoken rules and exclusionary behavior.

Lastly, discuss with teens if this is normal acceptable behavior and how they feel about that.

Activity 2: Make teens aware of how technology has influenced communication in relationships and friendships and talk with them about cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying is a new way of bullying and can be far more devastating than in-person bullying-its spreads quickly and reaches far more people. Some methods of cyberbullying include texting, sexting (sexting is broadcasting nude or semi-nude photos by cell phone text messaging), emailing, chat rooms, blogs, websites, sending photos, and posting fake profiles.

Ask teens to individually look back at their text message “sent messages” folder at some of the text messages they’ve recently sent to friends.

Would they want their mom/dad/teacher/principal to see these messages?

Have teens delete the ones they wouldn’t want them to see as a sign of their commitment to ending cyberbullying

* * *

This year the entire month of February is dedicated to raising awareness about dating violence: Senator Mike Crapo-R (ID) and Senator Lieberman-I (CT) have introduced a resolution proclaiming February 2010 as the first ‘National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.’

One in three adolescent girls in the United States is a victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds victimization rates for other types of violence affecting youth.

The resolution supports community efforts that empower teens to develop healthier relationships, and calls on parents, schools and community members to observe the month with consciousness-raising activities that can go a long way toward preventing teen dating violence.

At press conference last week announcing the unanimous passage of the Senate resolution, Senator Mike Crapo said, “We intend to increase our focus on stopping this form of domestic violence against all victims by expanding this national awareness to a full month, and repeat our call to protect federal dollars designated to help all victims of domestic violence.”

Get involved. Speak out. And encourage your community to take a stand against dating violence!

More information:

Resolution S.373:  National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

MTV/ AP Research Study on Dating Abuse

Teen Dating Violence Fact Sheet

Adi Barkan is an Israeli fashion photographer and model agent who has campaigned for legislation banning the use of anorexic models.

Barkan worked as a fashion photographer for fifteen years in Paris, London and New York, before returning to Israel in 1998 to open his own modeling agency in Tel Aviv. After speaking on television about his experience with model Hila Elmalich, an anorexic whom he rushed to hospital after she collapsed and who later died, Barkan was deluged by telephone calls from girls and young women suffering from anorexia. This experience persuaded him to require all of his models to submit to BMI exams to demonstrate their physical health and lack of an eating disorder.

Working with Member of Knesset Inbal Gavriely, he successfully submitted legislation to the Israeli Knesset in December, 2004, requiring all modeling agencies in Israel to use the BMI (Body Mass Index) exam,  making Israel one of the first countries to pass such a bill. Subsequently, an agency will not be allowed to continue representing a model unless she submits to a health test every three months and receives higher than 19 BMI. Any agency that does not comply will be fined accordingly and all forms will be monitored by the Israeli Health Ministry. ^[1] The campaign has received backing by both the Ministry of Health and the Israeli Center of Changing Eating Habit, while additionally, more than 30 Israeli CEOs have agreed to only hire models who have passed the health exam for their advertisements. 

In 2009 Barkan, together with Rabbi Raphael Mammo of Kiryat Ata and Alon Gal, a personal coach, launched Simply U- a countrywide talent-scouting project to find the most promising healthy, well-balanced and normal-sized would-be models in Israel. Simply U will hold seven auditions around Israel and select 20 girls who, for six weeks, will be trained in modeling as well as attend workshops in nutrition, sports and self-esteem. This process will be covered by Israel’s Channel 2 which will follow the audition process via a 24/7 Internet video channel. The project is to be sponsored by four major corporations: food company Strauss-Elite, cosmetics company L’Oreal; sports gear company New Balance and another contract is set to be signed by a leading fashion firm. In the future, Simply U intends to run a plus-sized model campaign as well.

Violence against women is a crippling problem. It destroys families and divides communities, and no nation is immune. In some countries, 70% of women and girls will experience violence in their lifetime. The reverberating impact of this violence is felt all over the world.

November 25^th is the 10th annual observance of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. The United Nations resolution, passed December 17^th, 1999, honors the lives of three political activists, the Mirabel sisters, who were brutally assassinated in 1960 on orders from the Dominican ruler Rafael Trujillo.

For too long violence against women has been a silent oppressor, imprisoning victims and their families in an ongoing cycle of abuse and secrecy. Today the UN, in conjunction with numerous state governments and millions of activists around the globe, are raising awareness about this issue to ensure that victims of violence no longer feel alone, and to advocate for those still unable to break their silence.

Please join the Say NO to Violence Against Women Campaign led by UNIFEM and find an action in your community!  Post to this blog and let us know about the incredible events happening in your community.